John Carrier

I think most people are wrong about love.  Statistically, that means you are wrong about love, too.

This is something I’ve been ruminating on for a while, but my initial desire to make a single, complete statement on the subject has prevented me thus far from voicing the essential kernel of the idea and simply starting a conversation.

The kernel, in a nutshell, is this:

There are two broad categories of verbs: Normal and Non-Continuous.  I won’t go into complete definition here but suffice it to say that Normal Verbs include observable actions…run, jump, vote, and wiggle.  Non-Continuous Verbs include abstract notions that cannot be seen…want, cost, care, and own.

My thesis is that the majority of people (henceforth: Group A) think of the verb “to love” in its Non-Continuous sense.  Group A thinks “to love” means to sense affection or attraction for someone or something.  I know I love chocolate because I get a good feeling (unobservable) when I eat it.

I (Group B) think that the full expression of the verb “to love” requires the kind of observable action that puts it squarely in the Normal category.  I love my wife by remarking on her fine qualities and making her coffee just the way she likes it.

Which is to say, “True love is completely normal.”

Furthermore, the more people who switch from Group A to Group B, the more observable positive change we will see, both on a personal and on a global level.  We need to stop loving humanity by feeling good about the existence of others and start handing out free rice.  We need to stop loving our children by crying when they don’t call and start loving them by getting involved in their lives so they DO call.

Who’s with me?

Who’s against me?

I have a lot more to say on this, but I’d like to hear other voices first.  Please leave a comment below, or better yet, take it up on your own blog and send me a link to your thoughts.

A friend of mine is starting a book club for fellow consultants, and she asked me to make a recommendation for our inaugural title and write a blurb about it.

I thought I’d share it with you…

*****

Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time by Keith Ferrazi and Tahl Raz

From consultant John Carrier:

This book was first recommended to me during a brief stint as a salesman…but please, keep reading!

Up to that point, I had been a heads-down consultant for about four years, focused on delivering great project results to whomever my client was at the time, but not taking an active role in networking or marketing myself for future projects. “Never Eat Alone” opened my eyes to a whole new dimension that my career (as well as my personal life) had been missing.

Often people who work in a highly technical field, such as finance and accounting, believe that their professional success depends far more on what they know than who they know — experience and competence rather than so-called “people” skills. They may even be turned off by the whole idea of intentional networking because it feels false or insincere. We all have an experience of meeting with someone who was clearly more interested in telling us about themselves that hearing about us. This gives relationship building a bad rap that it doesn’t deserve.

Ferrazzi addresses this negative perspective with his admonition to not be that “networking jerk.” On the contrary, taking a sincere interest in growing who you know, how well you know them, and how well they know you will have a dramatic impact on your success. This is especially true for consultants like us who are in the market for new and better employment more often than other professionals are.

Never Eat Alone isn’t just for salespeople, or for any one class of professional. It’s not about being the best schmoozer or collecting the most business cards at the next networking event. It is about working on your relationships — both business and personal — in a thoughtful, organized way to build a more successful and satisfying life. Reading it has changed my life, and I strongly recommend it to every colleague in the consulting business.

*****

…and your business, too.

If you have an opinion about how important relationships are (or aren’t) in your business, please leave a comment below.