On Being Change, or, a Quarter’s Quandary
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
–MK Gandhi
I’m in a bit of a quandary. Perhaps you can help me out.
Since late last night (while up past my bedtime to prepare for Passover) I’ve been thinking of the famous, bumper-worthy quote above. It has resonated with me since the first time I encountered it (in a collection of quotes, or perhaps on a t-shirt), and that resonance deepened when I read Gandhi’s autobiography a few years ago.
It is a simple and direct yet elegant and profound instruction on how to live one’s life meaningfully, mindfully, and deliberately. It is also incredibly existentially demanding.
That’s the trouble I’m having…not whether I can be the change - which is challenging enough - but exactly what change I want to see.
Where do I begin?
Where do I cease?
Beginning is easier: I want to live in a world in which people are less attached to their possessions and more committed to their relationships. This is the primary change I want to see, a world where spending time with someone is more laudable that spending money on someone, or even worse, spending money on yourself to impress someone.
More concrete: everyone stop working so much - and I mean long hours, not hard work, since who really works hard anymore? - in order to buy stuff for your spouse or kids to make up for the fact that you work so much. Leave work at a decent hour, go home, hug your kids, and gaze into your wife’s eyes for a full, uninterrupted minute. Your kids will remember your warmth long after they forget what PlayStation is. Your wife will not miss the trinket you could have bought with your overtime.
That’s the change I want to see. I think I can start being that.
What change do you want to see? Why can’t you be that change right now?
April 17th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Will you accept “cowardice” as a specific enough response? What if the little affection I get now turns into even less? Is being the change inherently rewarding or satisfying? Does it require diligence to be successful? Is success even possible, and if so, what does it look like?
April 18th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Are you making fun of me?
As far as affection, acceptance, and attention go, you would probably value those goodies more from people who respected you for living your own ideals than similar goodies from people who favor you based on your adherence to their standards.
The experience of reward or satisfaction depends on the outcome to which you’re attaching your happiness. If you’re only happy when world hunger has ended, you will probably never be satisfied. If you’re simply happy to live in a world where people work to feed the hungry, then feeding the hungry yourself guarantees that you live in such a world.
Diligence, yes, but not perfection or completeness. I think satisfaction with this kind of life requires both diligence and detachment from the goal of success. I can do my best, live how I think I (and others) should, and be happy with that.
“It is not your responsibility to finish the work [of perfecting the world], but you are not free to desist from it either.” –R. Tarfon, Pirkei Avot 2:16
If you measure success by positive change in others’ behavior, then dig this: you are the only person whose behavior you can change at will, and inspiring others by your example will be more effective than persuading them verbally or coercing them physically or politically.