John Carrier

I think most people are wrong about love.  Statistically, that means you are wrong about love, too.

This is something I’ve been ruminating on for a while, but my initial desire to make a single, complete statement on the subject has prevented me thus far from voicing the essential kernel of the idea and simply starting a conversation.

The kernel, in a nutshell, is this:

There are two broad categories of verbs: Normal and Non-Continuous.  I won’t go into complete definition here but suffice it to say that Normal Verbs include observable actions…run, jump, vote, and wiggle.  Non-Continuous Verbs include abstract notions that cannot be seen…want, cost, care, and own.

My thesis is that the majority of people (henceforth: Group A) think of the verb “to love” in its Non-Continuous sense.  Group A thinks “to love” means to sense affection or attraction for someone or something.  I know I love chocolate because I get a good feeling (unobservable) when I eat it.

I (Group B) think that the full expression of the verb “to love” requires the kind of observable action that puts it squarely in the Normal category.  I love my wife by remarking on her fine qualities and making her coffee just the way she likes it.

Which is to say, “True love is completely normal.”

Furthermore, the more people who switch from Group A to Group B, the more observable positive change we will see, both on a personal and on a global level.  We need to stop loving humanity by feeling good about the existence of others and start handing out free rice.  We need to stop loving our children by crying when they don’t call and start loving them by getting involved in their lives so they DO call.

Who’s with me?

Who’s against me?

I have a lot more to say on this, but I’d like to hear other voices first.  Please leave a comment below, or better yet, take it up on your own blog and send me a link to your thoughts.

First, I want to thank everyone for your kind words and wishes following my brother’s death.  At a time when I’ve seldom felt lower — Bobby was the first person I was close to who died of anything other than old age — I’ve also seldom felt more love from my friends and my community than I have this week.

Thank you.

Second, while my parents and sisters and I were attending to Bobby’s affairs (he had no spouse or heirs), we decided to start a foundation in his honor.  Now I feel compelled to act on that decision while we still have the emotional momentum of the event on our side.

I’m not asking for money.  (Not yet.)

I’m asking for information — experience, expertise, network contacts — from anyone who has any interest or experience in the following areas:

• Starting and incorporating a non-profit organization, such as a charity, foundation, or scholarship endowment.
• Working with at-risk youth, for example, teenagers with experience in the foster care or juvenille justice systems.
• Attending or working with outdoor leadership programs or wilderness survival schools.
• Fundraising, both online and IRL.

If you are interested in helping and are able to help, even if its just a few words based on your experience that will save my family from wasting scarce time or resources as we work toward making this a reality, please email me at the following address:

john (at-sign) johncarrier (dot) com

If you know of anyone with experience or interest in the areas above, please click on the “tell a friend” button below for a way to easily share this request with others in your address book (with total privacy, of course).

Thanks again for your love and support at this difficult time.

I heard a story once that when I was maybe three years old, Bobby held me by the ankles over the rail of the second-floor landing in the house where we grew up, my wavy brown hair hanging fifteen feet above the ground, my thrilled and terrified shriek filling the front hall.

When someone told him to put me down that instant, I said, “No, it’s okay.  Bobby’s making me tough.”

In truth I never knew a man with a tougher disposition, or a gentler heart.

My brother died today.  He was a good man.  I loved him.  I will miss him terribly.

A few weeks ago my wife and I took a vacation to California, and while we were in the neighborhood, we visited the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies, one of the schools I am applying to (see below).  Among the many things there that made an impression on me (the gorgeous vista, the kosher chicken wings, Rabbi Dorff) was a comment I heard at least 2 people make: Rabbinical school is a humbling experience.

No matter how successful you were in your previous career, once you start R-school, you’re back to square one.  Not only are you responsible for learning a library full of primary, secondary, and n-iary texts, ranging in vintage from 3,000 years old to yesterday’s HaAretz; you are responsible for learning it in another language (at least one) that if you’re lucky, you enter the school comprehending at a third-grade level: Hebrew.

To that end, I’ve started working with a Hebrew tutor twice a week.  We’ve been using the widely recommended Ivrit min HaHatchalah (Hebrew from Scratch), level one, to start me learning modern conversational Hebrew.  Last night I also began a course of study with a friend looking at Torah (Bible) and Talmud (ancient law codes with copious commentary), and it quickly became clear that my lack of Hebrew would be a hindrance, so we added a component of learning Biblical Hebrew into the mix.

What’s the difference between Modern and Biblical Hebrew?  Modern Hebrew is a living language spoken in Israel.  Biblical Hebrew is the original language of the Torah, the constituent parts of which are between 2,000 and 4,000 years old.

Consider the difference between these two phrases, and you’ll see the range I’m grappling with:

Modern: “My name is John.  I am a student.  I want to drink juice.  Where is the bathroom?  I drank a lot of juice.”

Biblical: “And Joseph died, and all his brethren, and all that generation.  And the children of Israel were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and multiplied, and waxed exceeding mighty; and the land was filled with them.  Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who knew not Joseph.  And he said unto his people: ‘Behold, the people of the children of Israel are too many and too mighty for us; come, let us deal wisely with them, lest they multiply, and it come to pass, that, when there befalleth us any war, they also join themselves unto our enemies, and fight against us, and get them up out of the land.’ ”

I feel like I’m bungee jumping up and down Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.  But of course, before I can understand medieval commentary on Ancient Near Eastern cosmogeny, I have to relearn, at age 32, how to eat, drink, and find the bathroom.

For you John Carrier completists out there, here’s a link to my new blog focusing on Judaism and contemporary Jewish issues:

Teh n00bzer Rebbe

Because when it comes to Judaism, I’m teh n00bzer.

A few weeks ago, we got a new dining room table.  It’s awesome.  It seats six comfortably, and fully-leafed, it can accommodate 10-12.  We have hosted a couple of big Shabbat dinners with friends and family, and this Saturday we’re hosting our first Passover seder.  The funny thing is, we’re still going to need a card table on the end, because we’re expecting 13 for dinner, my personal record for mouths to feed in one meal.

So, one goal down, nine to go…with a twist.

A couple of months ago, I decided to start thinking about maybe considering (in a very preliminary way) the inkling of a notion of possibly changing the course of my career…and becoming a rabbi. 

Since then I’ve talked to my own rabbi and to rabbis at the three rabbinical schools he suggested I check out - JTS, Ziegler, and Hebrew College.  All the programs sound interesting, and all the rabbis gave me something different to focus on in preparing to apply, leaving me with a lot of work to do over the coming year, if I want to apply for admission to rabbinical school for the fall term of 2009.  And I do.  More than anything.

So to the extent I make this a cat blog and talk about myself, I imagine my journey to rabbinical school will predominate in the coming months.

Have you been down this road (or a similar radical career change / ecclesiastical calling), and can you tell me where the pitfalls are?  I’m all ears.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

–MK Gandhi

I’m in a bit of a quandary.  Perhaps you can help me out.

Since late last night (while up past my bedtime to prepare for Passover) I’ve been thinking of the famous, bumper-worthy quote above.  It has resonated with me since the first time I encountered it (in a collection of quotes, or perhaps on a t-shirt), and that resonance deepened when I read Gandhi’s autobiography a few years ago. 

It is a simple and direct yet elegant and profound instruction on how to live one’s life meaningfully, mindfully, and deliberately.  It is also incredibly existentially demanding.

That’s the trouble I’m having…not whether I can be the change - which is challenging enough - but exactly what change I want to see.

Where do I begin?

Where do I cease?

Beginning is easier: I want to live in a world in which people are less attached to their possessions and more committed to their relationships.  This is the primary change I want to see, a world where spending time with someone is more laudable that spending money on someone, or even worse, spending money on yourself to impress someone.

More concrete: everyone stop working so much - and I mean long hours, not hard work, since who really works hard anymore? - in order to buy stuff for your spouse or kids to make up for the fact that you work so much.  Leave work at a decent hour, go home, hug your kids, and gaze into your wife’s eyes for a full, uninterrupted minute.  Your kids will remember your warmth long after they forget what PlayStation is.  Your wife will not miss the trinket you could have bought with your overtime.

That’s the change I want to see.  I think I can start being that.

What change do you want to see?  Why can’t you be that change right now?

Wow. I thought only record companies had the gall to alienate their best customers with legalistic bullying. I was wrong.

Ford is now claiming ownership (in the sense of intellectual property) of all images of Ford vehicles, including photographs that Ford car owners take of their own cars. When a group of product enthusiasts called the Black Mustang Club tried to publish a calendar of their own cars on CafePress, Ford cease-and-desisted their behinds by releasing the legal hounds on CafePress.

Makes me want to use my best Bugs Bunny voice (all respects and posthumous royalties due to Mel Blanc): What a maroon.

This is not a rant against intellectual property rights. It’s a rant against bad marketing by companies grown-up enough to know better.

For the sake of “protecting” your brand, Ford, you have just alienated a group of people (at least twelve of them) who were likely to buy and actively promote your products for the rest of their lives.

In taking this action you’ve spread a little anti-marketing among many more people than every would have even heard of the BMC 2008 calendar otherwise.

Good show, Ford.

If you really need to pad the to-do list of your legal department so it appears they do something other than dig for loopholes in labor and pension laws, don’t you think your time could be better spent on a less desirable ideavirus?

Come to think of it, that white decal would stand out pretty well on a black Mustang.

Your turn:  How does your company (past, present, or future) treat its biggest fans?  On the flip side, what kind of treatment have you gotten by being a fan?

Colin Beavin, aka No Impact man, posted today on the problem of air travel and its impact on the environment.

I don’t consider myself an environmentalist, per se, and I’m not proposing to start the horse-and-buggy revolution in business travel and bi-coastal commuting (I’m talking to you, Schouweilers).

I do consider myself a “mental environmentist”: I believe that our mental environments our cluttered, principally by outmoded assumptions that no longer serve us.

Colin talks about the significant and growing impact of air travel (largely business-related) on the health of our atmosphere and suggests we look at alternatives like high-definition teleconferencing and other advances in telecommunications. I’ll take it a step further…and a step closer to home.

This is a special case of something I’ve been thinking about for a while: people hanging on to old ways of doing business despite new information (or technological progress) because the cost of change — questioning your own assumptions, admitting you were wrong — exceeds the perceived benefit of switching.

More prevalent case than air travel, but related: Where I live (Minneapolis) people commute an average of 45 minutes per day (round-trip) so that they can gather in the same building to work, even though they spend 80% of their time or more isolated in their own cubicles. Furthermore, they usually commute by driving alone in an SUV (by my observation, at least).

The assumption? People work better when they congregate in a central location. The reality? This model gained acceptance and solidified as a best practice well over a hundred years ago, sometime after the great urbanization of the US but decades before modern communication technology.

I haven’t seen updated numbers lately, but I heard JetBlue and Best Buy were doing quite well with homesourcing and reducing their employees’ impact on the environment, to boot. If you care about that sort of thing.
A lot of people will fight to the death for the idea that business requires facetime, by which they mean guaranteed access to physically observe and interrupt their coworkers during a fixed interval totaling 40+ hours per week.

I think it’s a combination of clinging to outmoded assumptions and lack of trust, which begs the question, if you don’t trust the people you work with, why do you work with them?

Please share your opinion in the comments below. I’m dying to know if I’m wrong about this.

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the conditions that surround him… The unreasonable man adapts surrounding conditions to himself… All progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

George Bernard Shaw

Today, I’m going to do a little mashup of ideas from two of my current living heroes, Timothy Ferriss and Keith Ferrazzi.

Keith’s new thing is sharing your goals with your friends to garner their support (and deepen your relationship with them), and in that spirit, he recently blogged his goals for the new year.

Tim’s book, the 4-Hour Workweek, teaches you to throw out your reasonable goals in exchange for unreasonable ones. His logic? Since (a) radical goals can be waaaay more motivating than humdrum ones, and (b) there’s less competition for the far-out stuff (more people dream of owning a dream house than a dream castle), then (c) you are more likely to reach your crazywild goals than your run-of-the-mill ones, if you take your crazywild goals seriously and actually take the first steps toward achieving them.

The mashup: here’s my list of the Top 10 Insane Goals I want to accomplish this year. I came up with this list after much thought over the recent holidays using the methodology Tim calls “Dreamlining.” Out of 30 or so things I would do if I had $100 million in the bank and there was no way I could fail, these 10 (in no particular order) would be the most life-changing.

1. Take a family trip to Israel.
2. Run a 50-mile race.
3. Take the BOSS 28-day wilderness survival course.
4. Purchase a dining table that seats 12 people.
5. Take a volunteering trip through AJWS.
6. Through-hike one Triple Crown long-distance trail.
7. Take sushi-making lessons. In Japan.
8. “Winter” (as a verb) someplace warmer than Minnesota.
9. Take a family trip to Europe.
10. Start a “virtual” brewery: Develop a tasty beer recipe, contract-brew it at an established brewery, and distribute it solely through the Internet.

Accomplishing any one of these goals would change my life for the better. Accomplishing 2 or 3 of them would make it the best year of my life (after the birth of my children, marrying my wife, blah blah blah). I’m going for all 10. Now, where’s the coffee?

Has anyone out there done any of these things? What’s the best way to start? Please use the comments below for tips and trips, or better yet, to list YOUR most outrageous goals for 2008.